Trump Grants National Guard Nationwide Arrest Powers in Surprise Executive Order
October 3, 2025 – Washington, D.C. — In a surprise move Tuesday night, former President Donald Trump announced a sweeping new executive order granting the National Guard full nationwide arrest powers, effectively deputizing troops as “Federal Enforcement Associates” with immediate effect.
The order, titled “Presidential Directive 1776-R”, was posted to Truth Social just after midnight with the caption:
“The National Guard is now THE LAW. Better, faster, STRONGER. We’re bringing JUSTICE to the streets — and maybe your sidewalk!”
According to sources close to the former president, the order allows deployed National Guard units to:
Conduct traffic stops Make warrantless arrests of “unpatriotic loiterers” Enforce curfews in any ZIP code “showing signs of disobedience” Detain suspects using “temporary roadside containment facilities,” reportedly converted Arby’s trucks
From Guard to “G-Force”
Insiders say Trump has rebranded the force internally as “G-Force”, short for “Guardians of Federal Restoration”, outfitting troops with limited edition red tactical visors and laminated citation pads. The new uniforms reportedly include a patch reading: “To Arrest and Correct.”
“They’re like the police, but with tanks,” Trump told reporters outside Mar-a-Lago. “They’ll do the job the mayors won’t. And they don’t need backup — THEY ARE the backup.”
When asked about possible legal conflicts with the Posse Comitatus Act, Trump responded:
“That act is from like 1878 — totally outdated. We’re in 2025. We have iPhones and flying drones. We need laws that fly too.”
Rapid Deployment to “Mismanaged Zones”
Initial deployments are targeting what Trump referred to as “urban chaos clusters”, including:
Los Angeles Portland Chicago Des Moines (“just in case”) Whole Foods parking lots nationwide
In Philadelphia, Guard units were reportedly seen setting up a “Mobile Justice Hub” in a Wawa parking lot, issuing citations for “vibe violations” and “excessive hoodie activity.”
Residents expressed confusion.
“I just came to get a hoagie,” said local man Brandon Hall, who was briefly detained for “failure to exhibit gratitude.”
Digital Ticketing & Patriot Points
Under the new system, Guard personnel have access to the Patriot Enforcement Dashboard™, a tablet app designed by a Florida-based contractor that allows on-the-spot arrests, facial scans, and reward bonuses for “high-value detentions.”
Each successful arrest reportedly earns guardsmen “Patriot Points,” which can be redeemed for coupons at participating gas stations and Cracker Barrel locations.
“I already got 300 points just for detaining a suspicious guy who looked at me weird,” said one unnamed guardsman in St. Louis. “I’m saving up for a Red Lobster gift card.”
Legal Experts Alarmed, Confused
Civil rights groups were quick to respond.
“This isn’t just unconstitutional — it’s borderline medieval,” said Hannah Klein, a legal director at the American Rights Collective. “The National Guard is now handing out parking tickets and philosophical warnings? What does that even mean?”
In a leaked memo, the Department of Justice labeled the plan “legally incoherent but strangely well-organized.”
Not Everyone Opposes It
Some Republican lawmakers have voiced cautious support, calling the move “unorthodox but bold.” Sen. J.D. Vance said in a press release:
“We may not agree with everything in Directive 1776-R, but we do support arresting people who jaywalk while smirking.”
Others have embraced it fully, with Rep. Matt Gaetz reportedly drafting a bill to allow G-Force to “issue minor sentences on-site” such as 20 pushups or TikTok bans.
Public Response Mixed
On the street, reactions ranged from supportive to “What the hell is going on?”
“I feel safer already,” said Joanne T., 68, from Tampa. “There’s a guardsman parked outside my yoga class. He complimented my posture, then wrote me a citation for double parking.”
“This isn’t law enforcement. This is cosplay with consequences,” said ACLU intern Derek Marsh, while holding a homemade “GUARD OUTTA HERE” sign.
More to Come?
Trump hinted that this is “just phase one.” In a follow-up post, he teased:
“Next we roll out G-Force AIR — drone-based detentions. NO EXCUSES. NO ESCAPE. JUSTICE.”
As always, White House officials could not be reached for comment because technically, none of this is happening. But hey — sounds official, right?